I’ve so much tots in my mind my big head’s gonna explode.
Let me hurl them out first.
I feel “constipated” with my jumbled mind-junk.

1) FANCL IS LOVE!
I’m so in love. I proclaim that I adore Fancl products.

Health, beauty, make-up, skincare, store concept, lighting and just everything!
(hmm…. Except the uniform, maybe…. can wear dresses instead?)
I’m now just crazi-er about FANCL after I visited their homepage.
Pardon me. Haha.

I actually thought of working there.

Get staff discounts, use their products wholesomely! That means changing my entire make-up kit- blusher, foundation, eyeliner, concealer, mask, potions,

I would also love to start my healthier lifestyle with FANCL!
(Yes, I know me’ve been saying that like 100000000 times- my friends feel like strangling me)

Yes. I recall my “plans” which is always short-lived:

-I’m gonna start a new diet. ( yes, yes, and it always FAILS. For a thousand reasons.)

-I’m just gonna drink plain water from now on….. (and ya… you know what happens. I don’t even drink up to a glass of water most days.)

And some moreeee….

-I’m gonna just eat one meal/ two meals a day. (FAIL- due to erratic timetable, working times, sometimes hungry sometimes not AND: schedules, schedules, schedules.)

-I’m gonna walk back home from school everyday. (FAIL- my friends all take the bus they’ll think I’m a weirdo. Walking takes up like 1hour to reach home by the time it’s dark.)

-I’m gonna exercise for 30mins everyday on the machine.( FAIL- tired, no energy, no motivation.)

-I will go cycling every week. (FAIL- too far, no where to cycle, sun too scorching.)

-I’ll sign up with the Gym. ( FAIL: I hate that there’ll be people around. I’ll keep worrying if I see any friends, or worse, if there are eye-candies around. I can’t fight away thoughts of letting them see me sweating unpleasantly, jiggling with all my fats while… well, you know, excercising/ running/ weight-lifting/ stretching blablabla.

-I’ll take up dancing classes. (FAIL: I think of how ppl’ll luff at my lack of co-ordination and call me a toot tortoise or stupid snail. Also, I’ll die of embarrassment with

-I’ll skip one hundred times a day ( FAIL: my legs got blister-ed for quite long n I gave up.)

Ok, I’ll stop here before you all know how complete of a loser I’m.

( there’s still FAILED- memories of the hula hoop & sit-ups & running stairs and wateva… haha!)

OOH, back to my main topic.

I wanna T-R-Y to be healthier. With FANCL’s potions, nutrients, supplements and more!

P/S: Anyone has frens or frens of frens who work at FANCL? =)

2) My love for Journals, Notebooks, Organisers, Diaries, Writing pads, Memo pads.

I’ve like Millions, stashes and bundles of them.

Every size, whether: tiny stamp size ones, namecard sized ones, normal jotterbook , magazine-sized, A4 sized, drawing block size, thick thin, long pretty flowery shiny expensive cartoon branded I have!

Ooh, and even more psychotic is I’ve a different book for every purpose.

Like food journal, love journal, expenses log, finance planning book, drawing book, artist portfolio, sticker book, inspirations book, vocabulary-record book…… ok I know I have to ETC.

I know I am MAD!

BuT… PEOPLE JUST LOVE to give me. And I love to take.=)

3) Today is my off-day but I spent it doing housework. Not so guilty now.

4) Something is wrong with my brother. He getting more wayward. I don’t know what company/gang he mixes him. He doesn’t even listen to me now. Last time he’ll tell me the truth.

My folks are totally upset and disappointed with him, and I just hope my Dad doesn’t give up hope on him. God please help him be good.

5) I need to plan my finance. I’m sucha spendthrift. $500 a month of internship allowance is barely sustaining me.

6) People keep asking me: What are your future plans after your graduation? Are you going to further your studies?

I don’t know. I’m scared of studying. I wish to study design/ work part-time/ just don’t work retail. I just hate retail work please.

But studying means .. I’m gonna live off Daddy again.

I should be working and contributing so Dad can enjoy life a wee bit more.

Dad pays for everybody’s and my every-thing- hand phone bill, broadband subscription which allows me to blog now, utilities, medicine,

Thou I proclaim that I’m not taking allowance from Daddy anymore, since I’ll learn to survive on my $500 allowance, he still gives me shillings now and then.

And shillings = many many golden coins incl.
(Like 6 one dollars.)

I noe I’m sucha lucky-bitch.
I feel so bad thinking about this.
Booooooooooooooooo………………..

7) Mum’s sick. Hope brother stop angering her, making her rant and shout till her lungs go burst.

8) Uncle Sunny is in the hospital and, comatose now. Life is Fragile. Very.

As cliché as it is, I’ll learn to Love n Cherish my friends n family.

9) Being so blur, I need to remind myself I need a lot of Reminders. And plans.

10) I admit that I’m obsessed with trying to look good, and maybe I’ve OCD. Obsessive-Compulsion Disorder. It’s akin to the symptoms of a perfectionist.

Though I seldom dare to admit or complain or talk about it, cos people will become conscious of my flaws,

I can’t help constantly worrying and being sad about my hair, skin, complexion, fat-ness, elephant hips, thunder-thighs, balloon face, round round round.

I HATE MYSELF SOMETIMES.

But I’m good at controlling my thoughts, trying to keep my mind uncluttered, and being positive and confident.

I‘ve to tell myself what’s Past is Past.

Being mocked at, being overweight, having anorexia, being teased and called a lot of names, shunning guys.

At times the name-calling and horrible images still flashes in my mind, and cause my heart to do turbulent leaps I feel like vomiting.

Actually it still prevents me from normal friendship with guys.
I still get worried sick a great deal.

Like they will think I’m very ugly or fat, and even if I have a bf, he’ll eventually dump me for someone better and my ego-my world will crash.

I’m still very scared and very jealous of beautiful girls, models, customers who have everything- face, body, legs, hair………..

AHHHH!! STOP ME!

(and my friends, dun worry if u do accidentally get to read this part, cos i said i'm good at controlling now. =)

11) Learn to stop wasting money, buying unnecessary things.

12) Forget the past Already. If only I could stop my mind’s favourite pastime of flashing-back.

I hope for Movies. Singing. Vivo City. FANCL products.

Unravel them.

lots of love, hugs, kisses and misses,

jun.