For a start to my decision.
I went to sch earlier.I attended OB lec myself.I distanced myself from all the ppl I've to say hello and smile to, exit myself as quickly as I can, avoid further conversations.Safely, I managed to avoid ppl and have the one-hr break to myself.I feel safer. N no need to act happy and fine. I can be myself.

Angel hope u'r fine. I'll be here for you ok? Just like the way U letme count on you. Allow me 2b weak in front of u. =) But i promise I'm so much stronger now. I dun wish to be weak like this but I rly have no more strength to make myself appear happy.

But it's very hard.Forcing myself to dress-up, smile and go to school.When I dun even feel like going anywhere. I just feel the safest and happiest being enclosed on my own. no need to face the public.

I noe even when I go out with u all, I go all silent and sometimes hide in a corner myself and that scares u all. I'm sorry. That won't happen again..cos I'm not going out anymore. Sch is nt an option.

I duno why It's getting worse. Guess bCos I'm jus too tired of being strong?So jus let me be weak if u all care ok?Quit asking me to be strong.

I hate myself for crying to slp every night.But I know things lost can never be replaced.
The memories've tore me apart.

And I hat myself that I've to fall sick.Proves all the more that I'm weak and useless.Complete the emotional roller coaster ride eh?

Feeling all awful and horrible inside. The pain seethes into my bones.The intermittent bouts of hot and cold makes me feel like dying. The giddy spells are back. The bleeding gums too.Yucks.

I duno y. But i m'not caring. I shld be happy actually.
I hope the pain can numb my senses n my pain.
Hope I never recover.

I wun be blogging anymore... at least for now.
So dun come here. Dun contact me. Respect my wishes to be independent and let me search for the strength to be strong on my own alryt?

Leave me alone.

I'll be fine.